Dragon's Blog

The rollercoaster of my life, enjoy the ride :)

Life Update, month of November

Posted by phoenixdragon83 on 28 November 2010

0030 hrs on Veterans’ Day (11 November 2010)


Amazing how an album can help you with your mood…. Linkin Park’s “A Thousand Suns” is just… perfect right now [on repeat …. the Full Experience track though, so basically, album beginning to end on repeat]


Anywho, as I just tweeted, I’m having an “FML” moment here. I mean, really… what the fuck am I doing here? Working a dead end job (that I am totally burnt out on), moderating LinkinPark.com, smoking, at the cusp of getting evicted every week, stealing food from the dead end job so I won’t go totally hungry, walking everywhere….. [“All I wanna do is trade this life in for something new, Holding on to what I haven’t got.”] … but really? Where is this getting me?


I’ve filled out the FASFA [Federal Application for Student Financial Aid] to get started on getting help in going back to school… but that’s not really gonna help….. I still can’t get to school without a car. I can’t get a car without a better paying job. I can’t get a better paying job without getting a car or a college education. I love how the things I need to better my life are all intertwined and thus, leaves me feeling stuck.


It doesn’t help seeing the (presumed) success in all my friends’ lives….. Families, seemingly successful careers, actually making something of themselves. And where am I, almost 10 years after graduation? Still working food service, Army failure, single, and just, basically no different than I was 10 years ago… except that since I’m not in the protection of my parents’ house, and out in the real-world, it’s actually worse because I have all the responsibilities of an adult, however still working a job that is generally suitable for kids. I’m almost 30 fucking years old here!!!!! [“Floating down, as colors fill the light, You look up from the ground, in fields of paper-white. And floating up, you pass us in the night, a future gazing out, a past to overwrite. So come down, far below, we’ve been waiting to collect the things you know. Come down, far below, we’ve been waiting to collect what you’ve let go.”]


I don’t know what else to write on this, as I’m actually getting kinda lost in “Blackout” right now (the part of the song I just quoted) so I think I’ll just end this and go to bed….


I will close with this, if any of you guys have any ideas on how to go about getting money for school, please post below. If it helps, I would love to go to The Art Institute (either the LA campus or the Chicago campus) and go for Web Design or Graphic Design [leaning toward Web though].


Thanks for bearing with me everyone 🙂


[Continued, 2045 hrs on 28 November 2010]

OK, so I just got talked to today and well, yeah my job’s on the line because Lisa fuckin pissed me off and then I retaliated and now … yeah….. So I may be looking for a new job here soon…. and I’ll need it fast. I can not afford one week of no pay as well, I need the money for the apartment and cigs and food…. so yeah, I may be royally fucked soon.


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